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Borderline
Personality Disorder (BPD) — A usually
incurable mental illness where a person is unable to
regulate their own emotions due to a fundamental deficit of
core self-esteem.
BPD could be the world's most destructive, pervasive and misunderstood mental disorder. It is probably responsible for more cases in Family Court than any other.
In fact, the underlying mechanisms may help explain nearly every every
case in Family Court, since most juvenile crimes,
abuse/neglect cases and contested divorces boil down to a lack of
emotional control in at least one of the parties.
The term "borderline" is meaningless, and
you may prefer to call it "Blame-shifting Personality
Disorder." Because their ego is so fragile, Borderlines
accept little or no responsiblity for their own feelings and
actions; instead, they blame outside forces for everything bad that
happens to them and every shameful thing that they themselves do.
Without any intellectual "circuit breakers" to curb their
emotions,
their lives become emotional chaos in the presence of
any stress.
They complain a lot, get in a lot of
fights, fall for any slick salesman
who claims to serve their needs, and
consistantly sabotage themselves by misjudging the reactions
of others. They are frequent victims of paranoia and all of its
destructive effects, while they often lack the "common sense"
that the rest of us take for granted.
By the official diagnostic criteria,
Borderlines compose about 2% of the general population and a
much higher percentage of prison inmates and spousal
abusers. If you loosen the
criteria a bit, then Borderlines are everywhere, in
every large workplace, school and government bureaucracy.
They may be pleasant to meet at first, but eventually they
become hell to get along with, especially if you attempt
intimacy or become dependent on them.
BPD is hard to describe if you haven't witnessed it
close-up—which you probably have. No doubt you have had
the displeasure of dealing with a Borderline at some point
in your career, education or romantic history.
You probably found it
profoundly unsettling because they blamed you for problems
and tensions that they themselves created.
Give a
Borderline some power over you and submit him to some
moderate stress, and he will probably become an
asshole (a scientific term that
will be defined later).
Once a person starts blaming the outside world for
everything that goes on inside them, a whole range of
destructive effects may follow, from dramatic mood swings
and overreaction to stress to suicide threats and open
violence. The borderline is engaged in a desperate struggle
to demand from the world that which the world cannot give
him: inner self-worth.
Because they
accept little responsibility for their own actions,
Borderlines cannot independently
resolve their interpersonal problems, so
a court often has to do it for them. Contested divorces usually
involve at least one Borderline party, and when there are
two, you can have a truly epic legal battle limited only by
the available funding. Borderlines often become domestic
abusers and are easily drawn into drug abuse, providing
ample cliental for the TPO and abuse/neglect systems. As
parents, they can inflict enormous damage on their children
by devaluing and demeaning them, often in subtle and
pernicious ways that do not violate any law. Thereby, they
turn out a steady stream of clients for the Juvenile Justice
and adult court systems.
It's a fun disorder, and I hope you will
come to appreciate it as much as I do. Embracing it,
understanding it and even finding sympathy for the victim
are more effective than pretending it doesn't exist, which
is the usual attitude of society and most of Family
Services.
“Nice choice to use masculine pronouns when 75% of BPDs are female :-)”
— Steve 2/9/07
“I believe that my father has a mild version of the disorder as a result I've had it since I was a child. I don't think there's ever been a time in which I didn't have it. I dont consider myself an abuser. We really do experience a lot of things as though we were the victims. And even then I'm more inclined to harming myself. I have huge guilt issues. So when I do something wrong (because of splitting) I either feel nothing or feel as if though I'm responsible for everything wrong in this world. I just thought I'd elaborate. The last part was touching though I wouldn't call this fun! But I suppose that from a purely scientific perspective that it is rather interesting. Anyway.....take care.”
— Rose 4/9/07
“I was innocent and naive before, and cynical and depressed after six years thinking a person with BPD was my best friend -- and finding out that while I was being his friend, he was slowly killing me. Two months after I left him, I was put directly under a BP at work. I thought I was going to keel over from the stress! They're like an asshole glued to a wounded heart - a victim and a victimizer all in one package.”
— Luke 4/23/07 ... RESPONSE
FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Good observation!
—G.C.
“I had a long on-again-off-again with a girl/woman/child for 4 long hurtfull years. She recently contacted me, out of the blue, after 5 absent years, I guess she ran out of options. Within 2 months, she split and went from loving everything about me, to hating my guts. I had no choice but to get rid of her, eventhough she tried to hang on by any means. They never change their colors. It is what it is. They are what they are. They WILL kill you, with their ignorance, arrogance, indifference and self-serving idiocy. It is impossible to see a "person" because there is none. They parot other's words and actions to "fit" you. You might think they are your friend if you don't expect anything in return.”
— ken 9/14/07
“I know a BPD previous friend as hes an asshole gotten worse will not get help beats verbally abuses his girlfriend and blames all his problems on London, On in Canada the city I am in always" this city sucks no one has any respect and also on that line if someone disagrees with what he says he blows up and starts going on about disrespect "oh you disrespect me" or goes on I am greek to everyone except for the fact his Birth certificate has Ontario, Canada on it his background is Greek and hes racist as hell , to put it simply hes a fucktard asshole”
— Anonymous 4/24/08
“I am a supervisor of an individual who has BP. she has slowly torn our tightknit team apart. She always sees herself as the victim as well as the Savior. not once has she ever taken responsibility for her actions. having a conversation with her is like nails on a chalk board! I'm not sure how much longer I can stomach her. I find myself avoiding her at all cost. My interactions are brief and factual. She is an emotional vampire!”
— Terrified Supervisor 5/14/08 ... RESPONSE
FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Yup! She's one of them! I wish there was some easy advice I could give you. All I can say is that there is absolutely no hope in "working with" her. She must leave for your workgroup to be restored. In the absense of strong management willing to fire her, she might do it herself. If she feels everyone is working against her, she could quit in a rage, claiming sexual harassment, etc. If she doesn't leave, then you should.
—G.C.
“My Mother is BPD. She's an unlovable, joy-sucking black hole. She's a liar, a user, a bully and makes life Hell for her family. Like they say, it's those close to a Borderline that really suffer from the disease.”
— Anonymous 5/15/08
“So true about giving them some power over you and add some stress and they become assholes ! I have serious medical problems and cannot work and therefore dependant upon my BPD husband. I have no wish to be further destroyed by him but I do not have the money to survive otherwise. He has caused me so much stress and lack of sleep and it has caused a worsening of my serious health problems. Life has become hell. Please email if you can help: blissparadise@gmail.com. I can provide a letter from my doctor to verify my medical conditions. Thanks for listening.”
— Liatris 10/1/08
“This article seems to me to be very poorly informed and written with a negative bias against someone who perhaps got in a romantic relationship with a borderline or is one himself.”
— Anonymous 10/21/08
“Whoever wrote this article is way misinformed and lacks not only knowledge but compassion for those suffering from this horrible disorder most of the time brought about by childhood trauma.”
— Anonymous 10/21/08
“In fact the article states that borderlines are assholes (a scientific term explained later) no, is well understood, whoever wrote this defines the word, it also defines the word narcissist.”
— Anonymous 10/21/08
“My life has become a living hell dealing with a BPD exwife: lies, court cases, rage. I'm a victim of woman claiming to be a victim. Sick stuff. Wish they would just lock up all the BPD's. My friend who's a shrink said that would never work, because no one would want to work there.”
— Anonymous 11/11/08
“borderlines are assholes. they blame everyone but themselves.”
— mike g 11/27/08
“will a Bpd return once they leave”
— JIm 3/13/09
“I just got out of the hospital. I had a heart attack at age 41. I have a 6 year old daughter with a Borderline. I put up with a ridiculous amount of abuse, and erratic behavior. Now she has left me, and taken our child. At the end she tried to make it seem as though "things just didn't work out". Well, after a little investigating, I found out that she had been cheating on me for years, while I was looking after our daughter. I could go on for days.....”
— angry 4/11/09
“Some of you make me sick! What ever happend to loving someone unconditionally? They have a problem and need to be loved like the rest of us! Have some compassion & quit being so damn selfish!”
— BPD spouse 4/19/09
“My wife is not officially a BPD but, after quite a bit of reading and examination I can find no other explaination for the wild, erratic, self-absorbed and destructive behaviour of my wife. After 10 years of being married and having suffered by her illogical actions have I finally come to realize that BPD must be the reason behind the Hell that I've been through, am going through and will continue to suffer. I would like to leave her, but I know that she would not make it on her own ( she has other health problem, very likely magnified by the BPD) I just don't have the heart to do that to another person. By all accounts, even if I were to divorce her, she would find a way back into my life. Her own sister tried to shake her off a coupe of months ago, this only made it hell on the rest of the family. So her sister relented and opened the door to her again. BPD is a horrible condition where all involved suffer and the sad thing is that she would not ever acknowledge that she might have a problem, it's always other peoples fault. After years of going through this ( living on the edge of a knife ) I'm afraid that I may develope Post Traumatic Shock disorder ( ha, ha ) Okay it may not be that bad but it's pretty close. Good luck to everyone out there hooked-up to someone with BPD.”
— shellshockedhubby 5/9/09 ... RESPONSE
FROM THE WEBMASTER:
As one who has been through exactly this situation, I have great sympathy. BUT... It is not your place to care for an adult who refuses to grow up. You cannot sacrifice all of your potential for her dysfunction. She will rise to the occasion of caring for herself, but you have to give her the chance -- meaning divorce. I'm sorry, but there is no other way!
—G.C.
“18 years of hell my son is now nine I left his BPD mother before he was born the lies manipulations misdirections and the constant want for attention even if its bad .If you are there get out asap before you loose yourself in a dark place where you are afraid of that poison in your mind and in your heart beleive me that the sex really is not worth the pain in your life it will consume and eat you for years to come.It took me two years to get over the emotional triggers of this person and nine years later she still wont let go with court cases based on lies and why you may ask I ignored her attemps to regain control seven years ago I was accused of rapeing her this was found proven false now the acusations are aimed at my innocent 15 year old son to another realtionship he is being accused of rapeing my nine year old son I share with the BPD it is sick and twisted they are brothers and really good kids a word of warning to all you who may be romantically involved with a BPD warning you did not find them they found you because they prey on those who care (real peaple with good moral values) why did this happen because in order for them to funtion there has to be sympathy from you however there is NEVER any sympathy returned ( I recommened book that helped me a lot Stop Walking On Eggshells by by paul Mason and Andi Kregger ) ps the soonner you cut that poison out of your life the sooner you can start to live again and if it a relative ignore it they will find another victim to prey off if they are not getting the attention from you.Remember you deserve so much better than that emotional roller coaster to death”
— australian mustang 40 M 5/21/09
“I'm going through a divorce with a Borderline currently... $12,000 and climbing and we haven't even gotten started good.”
— DC 7/21/09
Because this website has been frozen,
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Borderline
Personality Disorder (BPD) — A usually
incurable mental illness where a person is unable to
regulate their own emotions due to a fundamental deficit of
core self-esteem.
