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THE FAMILY COURT PROJECT HAS COME TO A CLOSE. Effective 6/1/08, Family Court Chronicles has become inactive (announcement), and no new information will be added. The page below is retained for archive purposes, but it could be out of date. Upon request, the webmaster will continue to correct significant errors and will consider removing information that is destructively obsolete. (Email: FamilyCourtGuy (at) gmail.com) See Glenn Campbell's home page for his still-active websites.
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How to Choose a Lawyer

lawyer, how to choose a — Finding a good lawyer is a vexing problem for anyone who is new to the legal system. If you need one, then you are probably in distress, and it is hard to think clearly in times like this. You know that there are good lawyers and bad ones, those who charge modest fees and those who charge too much, those who advertize on TV and those who live in little cubbyhole offices on 7th Street. What clue do you have about finding the right one for you?

It's the same problem faced by thousands of visitors to Las Vegas every day: You want a "Good Time" and maybe you think you need a prostitute to accomplish this, but how do you find a good one? You could look in the phonebook under "Entertainers - Adult" or pick up an escort brochure on the Strip, but how do you know that what you get will match the picture? Furthermore, the ads never tell you how much it will cost to do everything you want.

And does the picture really matter anyway? Ideally, you want the proverbial "whore with a heart of gold" who might be sagging a bit on the outside but who truly cares about you on the inside. The photo isn't going to tell you anything about that.

Of course, lawyers are different than whores in that they are totally legal in Clark County, while prostitution is technically "illegal" (nudge nudge, wink wink). Also, while a Good Time in Vegas may or may not involve a prostitute, you almost certainly need a lawyer for any contested process in the legal system. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can represent yourself in court, except for very simple filings where there is no significant conflict.

Now if you drive on up to Pahrump, where prostitution is legal, choosing a hooker becomes a lot easier. You have a chance to actually view the merchandise before purchasing. You don't have to dive blindly into the phonebook, set up a meeting, pay a couple hundred, and only then discover the product is not for you. At the bar in one of our fine legal brothels, the talent will strut around for you, and you can make an informed choice based on — I don't know, whatever it is that works for you. (I really don't want to inquire too deeply here.)

In the best of circumstances, you would want to see each service provider interact with her other clients. You could sit at the bar, nurse a few overpriced beers and watch each candidate romance the other customers. In a perfect world, you would also want to follow the girl and her client into one of the back rooms and see how she performed in flagrante.

Fortunately, with lawyers, you have exactly that opportunity in the Family Court. An easy way to find a good lawyer is one that no one ever thinks of: Just come to court for a day, eavesdrop on lawyers talking to their clients in the hallways, then follow a few of these parties into court and see what happens. If you find a lawyer who you think cares about their client and seems to know what they are doing in the bedroom, then ask them for their business card and tell them a little about your problem. You might even get an impromptu free consultation right there in the hallway.

By the end of the day, you might have the cards for several lawyers you are comfortable with, then you go home, Google the hell out of them, and set up a meeting with the one you like the best.

It is a whole lot better than a blind date, and the risk of both disappointment and disease is greatly reduced.

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