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The Case Against Marriage
A Book in Progress by Glenn Campbell “Read it or weep!” Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Production Notes This is a ROUGH DRAFT of a book that still needs a lot of work. I have set it aside for now but expect to come back to it later Your feedback is encouraged, but I recognize that the chapters don't yet flow together as they should. FamilyCourtGuy<at>gmail.com |
There are two kinds of children: those who exist and those who don't. I am very much in favor of the former and opposed to the latter. In my opinion, children who don't exist should stay that way.
In fact, my proposal to the Galactic Federation is that they put a total freeze on all human conceptions until this planet works out its problems. I'm sure there are aliens somewhere in the universe who have this technology. A little snip-snip on the testes of 3 billion males should do the trick.
Why should humans be allowed to bring new children into the world when there are so many already here who aren't being adequately cared for?
If you have been considering having a baby, please, please think things through. It is even a more fateful and potentially debilitating decision than marriage.
The world has its massive problems, but instead of addressing them, you would be creating a whole new problem—another mouth to feed. Voluntary childbirth is an exercise in narcissism and vanity. You hope to create a little Mini Me who will worship you and follow in your footsteps. Trouble is, this little project almost never turns out as you hope it will. Sooner or later, he gets his own ideas and screws up your plans.
Now that childbirth is optional, not mandatory, why do people have babies at all? They do it for the same reason they get married: because there is a vague dissatisfaction in their life that they are trying to fill up. You fell in love and moved in with your partner, but you still felt empty. Something seemed to be missing, but what was it? Maybe you needed to get married!
So now you're married and your life stills lacks meaning and direction. What could be missing? I know: children!
Oh, you'll have direction now! Twenty years of direction! Will you have meaning, however? That's a different question.
It is so much purer, morally, to contribute to the upbringing of a child who is already here. He can be your own child, that's fine, as long as the choice to bring him into the world is no longer yours. As I say, I got no problem with children who already exist.
However, children who are already here can greatly complicate the problems of romance. Ideally, you can process your romantic relationship in isolation. If the two of you get along and are beneficial to each other, you come together. Whenever things don't work, you draw apart. This is far more difficult if you've got a nest of little hatchlings to feed and it takes the resources of both of you to do it. The parental relationship is unconditional, and you can't walk out on them.
Children can place you in the potential dilemma where you know your romantic relationship isn't working but you stay together anyway "for the children." Now you're in a fine kettle of fish! I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I don't. Whatever way you go, it's ugly.
I can tell you how most people solve the dilemma. If the romantic relationship isn't working but their whole world is resting on it, they convince themselves that it is working and they do their best to make it seem so. They don't perceive that they have a choice; they just soldier on.
The physiological bond between the two of you is probably still there, even if no real communication is taking place. That may seem to be enough. If you pile on enough roses, chocolates and sentimental words, it almost seems like you still have a relationship. What you may no longer have, however, is your independent and reliable advisor. Over time, your advisor may learn the same thing you have learned to keep the peace: Tell your partner exactly what they want to hear.
It's a lot of smoke and mirrors mostly, but I'm not saying that it's wrong. You entered into a contract to raise children, and you must fulfill it by the most efficient means available.
Divorce may be impractical. More likely, however, it is simply unthinkable. Responsible people don't perceive it as an option, since it goes against those vows they made on their wedding day. Unless they are forced into divorce by circumstances beyond their control, the logistical and emotional Armagedden seems too much to deal with. Instead, the problem is "solved" by neverending appeasement, accommodation and submersion of ones own interests.
It is a mistake, however, to think you have no choice. The unthinkable must be thought about. If the romantic relationship isn't working—to the same standard you would expect if you had no children—then you shouldn't fool yourself into thinking it is. If the regime is oppressive, you should be looking for opportunities to escape. You should never let yourself be broken.
If the romantic relationship isn't working, then your children know it—at least on some unconscious emotional level. In some way, it is messing up their psychology, and the damage may linger for generations.
Divorce can be incredibly painful, but so is open-heart surgery. Sometimes, band-aids and analgesics don't work. Sometimes you have to dive in with scalpel and fix the problem at its source. Surgery is painful for everyone in the short term, but it may be better than a dull and unsolvable pain that goes on for years.
Continued in Chapter 15
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