What is Borderline Disorder?

NOTE: This topic is covered better in Essay #50: The Volatiles. The essay below (the first in our Philosophy section) is retained mainly for archive purposes.

Actually, you do know about it; you're just not familiar with the label. If you have ever dealt with a surly adolescent, you have tasted borderline disorder. Teenagers are borderline almost by definition. Think of their characteristics: highly impulsive, sometimes explosive, highly sensitive about being controlled by adults yet easily controlled by their peers, volatile in mood, easily swayed by simplistic ideas, not open to negotiation. They have great difficulty regulating their emotions. (Think back to your own adolescence, and you'll remember it.) We expect kids to be this way, and this is why we continue to give them protection during their adolescent years, even if their bodies are nearly mature.

We don't expect adults to behave like impulsive teenagers, and this is essentially what borderline disorder is. Only it's worse, because adults have more power.

The diagnostic manual has a certain set of criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is said to afflict about 2% of the population, but if you broaden the criteria a bit, the borderline style affects EVERYBODY. It is part of you and a part of me. If you understand the borderline style, then you can understand many of the seemingly inexplicable and self-destructive things people do.

The name "borderline" is useless. The word came about for historical reasons and doesn't really describe the disorder. (A better name might be Emotional Regulation Disorder.) Borderlines aren't on the "borderline" on anything; in fact, their views tend to be quite extreme and constantly changing. Mostly, they complain, complain, complain, in public or private, about whatever has gone wrong in their lives. Anything bad that has happened is never their fault. Whenever you see someone yelling at someone else in a parking lot or a customer complaining bitterly to a hapless clerk about the failings of their organization, you are probably watching a borderline in action.

In Family Court, I believe that borderline disorder or something like it touches the vast majority of cases. Nearly every divorce that we would consider "nasty" involves at least one borderline party. Either they fit the formal criteria for the disorder or they carry many of its traits. Once a Borderline loses control of their emotions, they can't resolve their interpersonal problems on their own, so they need a court to do it for them.

Juvenile delinquency is usually a borderline-like problem, because we are usually talking about impulsive and useless emotional acts that don't achieve anything. Child abuse and neglect also tend to involve borderline traits. It is usually parental drug abuse that brings children into custody, but there is a psychological force behind the drug abuse, and I contend that this is a defect in emotional regulation.

What is the borderline "style"?

It is obvious when you meet it but very difficult to describe. Borderlines are the people WHO NEVER ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS. They are the assholes of the world who, once they reach a certain level of emotional stress, consistently blame others for their own problems.

Because of defects in his upbringing, the borderline has very fragile self-esteem. It is so fragile that he can't accept any negative news about himself. When any negative news reaches him, he uses a variety of defense mechanisms to deflect blame elsewhere. For example, when you criticize him, he may get angry at you, pointing out your defects and how you are to blame for whatever you criticized him for; thus, your criticism, even if benignly intended, never "gets through."

Borderlines may look like you and me on the surface but they respond to the world in a whole different way, which is driven by this extreme emotional sensitivity. The borderline style is all about "killing the messenger" when he tries to deliver bad news rather than responding to what the messenger has to say.

Once you have accepted the position that "I am not responsible for my own actions and feelings," then all sorts of bizarre behavior can result, from dramatic mood swings to violence toward others and even theatrical suicide attempts.

Borderline is a "philosophical disorder." You and I have each made a philosophical decision at some point that we are not the center of the universe. We may be proud of our identity, but we don't believe that the world exists only for our benefit. The borderline has never made this leap. He can acknowledge intellectually that that he is not the center of the universe, but emotionally he still thinks he is.

The "mood swings" observed by others, to him are nonexistent. In his view, it is the WORLD that is changing from moment-to-moment, and he is merely responding to it.

Think of the abusive spouse, who worships his partner one minute then berates them the next. In his partner's view, nothing has changed to justify the shift, but in the borderline's view, their change in attitude is entirely justified by the partner's shift from "good" to "evil."

The central psychological phenomenon in borderline disorder is something called "splitting." This is when a person divides the world up into "good" and "bad" components and reacts to them separately, without any attempt to reconcile them.

In the borderline's view, instead of there being one Glenn, there are actually two: the kind, attentive, benevolent Glenn who takes care of your needs, and the mean, abusive, selfish Glenn who will do everything in his power to hurt you.

In my view, I am just one Glenn. I've got my strengths and weaknesses, but I try to be consistent and logical. Sometimes I am relaxed and happy-go-lucky, and sometimes I am firm and demanding. The difference in my behavior, as I see it, is due to the differing circumstances that I am facing. I am not two people — a Jekyll and Hyde. I am, I acknowledge, a limited human being who is trying to do his best in the circumstances he is facing.

The borderline, however, cannot see my struggles. In fact, he can't see anyone's struggles. He can only see his own. His is an egocentric/narcissistic position which says that the world exists for me.

To the borderline, Glenn is a god. Glenn is also a devil. Glenn is never a human being in between.

If you are a borderline, and you are engaged in a relationship with Glenn, you do not experience any mood swings yourself. Instead, it is Glenn who goes through the mood swings: he flips back and forth between "good" and "evil". In your mind, your changes in attitude and your occasional abuse of Glenn are a reasonable reaction to Glenn's emotional abuse of you.

The borderline pushes all responsibility outward. If he murders somebody IT IS ALWAYS THE VICTIM'S FAULT. The borderline's ego is too fragile to allow any personal responsibility when the emotional stakes are high.

Any affronts to the ego are met with a DEFENSE MECHANISM — or some flaw of reasoning which shifts blame elsewhere. If a teacher gives you a bad grade on a test, it is the TEACHER'S FAULT for being biased against you or for not teaching you right. It is never your fault for not studying or not being smart enough.

The borderline feels, at a fundamental unconscious level, that he is not smart, not worthy, not valuable. He can never openly acknowledge this however. There is a mechanism deep in the human psyche that demands self-esteem, and if it can't be achieved by doing impressive things in the world, then it is achieved by trickery — by killing the messenger.

The borderline's worldview can be thought of like this: You live on a planet, right? The planet is solid beneath your feet, and if you walk from place to place, it is you that is moving and not the planet. You wouldn't say, when you are walking to the store, that you are staying stationary and the whole world is moving under your feet, propelled by the force of your legs.

Yet this is exactly the position that we all start out with. When we are born and first open our eyes, we think we are the center of the universe. We have to LEARN that the world exists as constant force outside of us. This concept is called "object constancy."

The borderline never really figures this out, at least in an emotional sense. In particular, he never really understands that other people have an independent existence of their own. At least, he cannot see this when other people compete with his own needs.

A borderline can read novels and watch TV and identify with the characters he sees. He can identify with a fictional character or a pet because there is no conflict with his own needs. If you introduce any emotional risk, however, this ability to identify with others slips away. Your own vulnerabilities overwhelm your ability to empathize. Someone who opposes your needs or exposes your weaknesses is "evil" while someone who supports your self-esteem is "good." Under emotional pressure, other people cease to have an independent existance apart from those labels.

If you see a person as evil, then there is no limit to the amount of abuse you can heap on them. The evil Glenn deserves any punishment you can give him, since he is no better than Hitler. The borderline has no comprehension that by punishing the evil Glenn he is also pushing away the good Glenn who the borderline desperately needs.

[End of allotted time.]

Reader Comments